


15x07 Coda

by Piper_Halliwell1979



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Awkwardness, Coda, Comfort, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Nightmares, Pre-Slash, Season/Series 15, Sharing a Bed, Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21692422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Halliwell1979/pseuds/Piper_Halliwell1979
Summary: Things are still tense between Dean and Castiel but they manage to say more than five words to each other.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 148





	15x07 Coda

Dean was relieved when Cas told him Sam was okay. Even more relieved to see it for himself. He internally chastised himself for taking off alone. Then he trudged to his room after Eileen assured him she'd watch over Sam for the night. He looked over his beer bottle shrine to depression.  _ Probably should clean this place up. Like last call at a bar... _ Dean shook his head. 

He collected the empties but wasn't up to taking out the trash just yet. He needed a shower and some sleep. Well...what sleep he could get when he knew a fresh batch of nightmares was brewing in his subconscious. He grabbed his robe and some sleep pants. No more free-balling with Eileen around.

Dean's head was down as he padded down the hallway. He ran smack into Cas. "Oh uh...sorry, man. I was just…"

Cas was just as awkward. "I was...coffee...kitchen…"

Dean ground his jaw. "It doesn't have to be this awkward. You live here, too. I mean...you still have your room and...anyway if you're staying…"

"I am. I (air quotes) 'cleared my head' while I was away. I realized I should be helping to fight Chuck. I should be here." 

Dean didn't look up. "It's good. Good to have you back on the team." He cleared his throat and attempted to walk away.

"Dean...it can't be like before. You have to mean it, that I am part of this team. That I may speak freely with ideas or dejections."

"I get it. I'm an asshole. You left because I was being a dick. I did some head clearing too. What's going down with Chuck is bigger than our petty bullshit."

Castiel scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Petty bullshit? Petty was me not answering my phone. Being reduced to just...a weapon or a babysitter...told my feelings didn't matter. I am a  _ person _ , Dean. I used to be  _ your _ person."

"And I used to be yours! Or at least I thought I was. I don't fucking know anymore, alright? Everything I thought I knew...I don't. You left me. You had full free will. No Chuck strings attached. And you chose to leave. Nothing was keeping you here anymore."

Dean felt some of the weight lift from his chest then immediately felt it sink his stomach. He still wanted to walk away but his feet wouldn't move.

"I believed in him. And he took that away. But I still had faith in us. After everything...I believed in us. When you didn't...I didn't know what I could believe anymore."

Softly, "But you believe now?"

"I do. Being on my own, helping someone, I believed what we do is the right thing. Not because of Chuck. In spite of every obstacle or plot device he throws at us we manage to keep this world from collapsing unto itself. We saved people."

"I killed someone I cared about. He was human but he was a monster. I had to stop him because innocent people were getting killed. I have to keep looking out for the people nobody thinks matter. So yeah...what we do is ugly and it's dirty and it's enough to break anyone else. But if we don't...who will? And that ain't the world I wanna live in."

"I reunited a mother with her son. I saved a life and saved her the unbearable pain of losing her child. And I thought...nobody was listening to her. Nobody was going to help her. But  _ I _ did and it made a difference. It mattered."

"You did good, Cas. You got the win."

Castiel nodded. "I should let you go shower. I think I'll put on the coffee and do some more research." He hastily walked away.

***

Dean finally dozed off after trying to shift his thoughts to anything other than Leo. He mentally tuned up his Baby. He visualized all the steps to making his, in his opinion, blue ribbon chili. But the dark corners of his subconscious conjured the nightmares he'd anticipated.

He tossed in bed, clutching his blanket in his fists. He relived the moment Leo pulled a gun on him. This time the corpse in the trunk opened her clouded, empty eyes and asked him why he didn't save her. 

Castiel had been ready to retire to his own room for the night. He could hear Dean whimpering and pleading. It wasn't something he could ignore, even if he was still angry with Dean. He tested the doorknob and found it unlocked so he quietly slipped inside. 

He toed out of his boots and shrugged a couple layers off to lay them over the desk chair. He eased onto the bed to lie behind Dean and gently stroke his hair. He hummed  _ Nothing Else Matters _ until he felt Dean settle beside him. The hunter turned and instinctively cuddled into the warmth and comfort of the fallen angel.

Castiel would leave sometime before Dean woke up. Things were awkward and tense between them but for that little while, things were how they should be. When Dean trusted him to be this vulnerable. And when it didn't hurt so damn much for Cas to love him.


End file.
